Could you love without lashing out in a reaction to someone because of something they did?
I think this is a way that many relationships end, because they allow it all to get into the way.
Follow me on this...
- Your significant other does something out of "character". Perhaps something as simple as NOT doing something they have done in the past.
- You react by pulling away from them, slightly, as a punishment for their transgression.
- Feeling slighted, rightfully so, and they do not do what they did in the past AND pull back.
- You feel them pull back, and so you retaliate once again.
- You both feel slighted and wronged, and no one is doing what you used to do then suddenly someone else comes along who does. Where do you think you are going to go?
Could this have been avoided?
HELL yes!!
What if you chose to not "punish" your partner? To allow them to have their bad days or to react how they need to without retaliation from you?
Would they walk all over you? Would they follow suit? Would they even notice? (If you think they would walk all over you, do you think that you should still be in that relationship?)
I think this is something I should work on, though Dave and I have an amazing ability to converse, I find myself doing this at times. Sometimes over something that is not important enough to remember the next day. How sad is that?
How about you? Do you find yourself "punishing" your significant other or worse, destroying your relationship over a small slight? Could you love without ego? Could you love without saying.. " I love you because....."? Leave off the reasons, and the stipulations.... could you love your S.O., just to love them?
4 comments:
Great post. Scott and I are BIG talkers. We talk everything out, we never got to bed alone, we never allow longer than 30 minutes go by without settling something. We literally somehow are both able to say, we need to talk, and deal with it, kiss, and move on. I think the key is love fully, which means accepting flaws. Also, loving enough to care to talk. If Scott or I are in a bad mood from something work related or blog related, and we take it out on one another, either he or I will totally just say, "I feel like you might be angry about something not related to me. What is up?" Then we deal with it.
Great post. A lot of people in relationships could learn a thing or two after reading this entry. This really speaks to how to treat anyone really. Even how you treat a friend.
I personally don't believe it's possible to "love without ego". But that's just me. I've never had a relationship that worked out... I'm currently estranged/separated from The Boy's father, even though he's not a terrible person. Most days I can't even seem to love my son without ego. I don't know if it's because I'm such a perfectionist, or I live in a shitty area with no support system.
I would like to be able to talk with someone and work stuff out, but it just doesn't seem possible... not even when I've been on my best behavior and really tried. I just don't know. I don't think relationships are meant to last.
Great post! Zack and I do this a lot. We always punish one another. I am always the one that tries to make up no matter whose fault it is.
Interesting questions! I have been thinking a lot lately about what the "magic" is that makes relationships work. It's definitely not luck! You don't just happen to find the right person and just happen to be compatible and just happen to stay together year after year.
I have found, after 7 years of marriage, and 3 children later, that the big qualifier is sacrifice. Am I willing to sacrifice my selfish impulse to be right? Am I willing to sacrifice my time and do something for him? Am I willing to sacrifice my momentary desires for the greater good of our relationship and our family? Is he willing to make the same sacrifices for me?
Because we are, then we are able to discuss without fighting, help each other around the house, take care of each other when one of us is sick, step in when someone is getting frustrated with the kids, etc etc.
The more I am willing to give of myself and not keep thinking "What's in it for me?", then my love for him deepens and I feel more satisfied and content. I look forward to the next 7 years and the 7 after that and the 7 after that and so on!
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