Thursday, June 19, 2008

Anatomy of a swimsuit

My first real swimsuit, (That I bought myself) was a pink and black polka dot strapless bikini that I wore when I was 16. It was gorgeous, and my mother hated it!

When I had my first daughter at 18, I was alright wearing it afterwards, I lost all of my baby weight, plus some, however, somehow my feet spread. And for a girl that wears size 9 shoes already, this was tragic, but I covered it up with swim shoes.

A few years later came along baby girl #2, Up until then, I had amazing breasts, however this daughter took them, and then some (She is now a 42DD)… my swim suit suddenly had to be “supportive”, unlike my men, this one actually worked.

My son came along 13 months later, and he expanded my rump. I am convinced it was his way of preparing me for the pain in it he would one day become! Hence, the boy short swim bottoms, those were a blessing when they came into fashion.

I was alright in a swim suit for a while, until I decided my trio was not enough, and six years later came along my spoiled princess… and somehow, she added weight to my arms. Ok… up until now I could hide the extra weight, I can suck in my belly, tighten my butt, but COME ON… I can’t suck in my arm fat. I’m resorting to arm guards…. Yes, I’ll have a funky tan but, at least I won’t jiggle.

Then, my sanity left once again, and I though another child would be GREAT for my body. My little princess came along, and 1.5 years later, I am looking at my belly wondering if a tankini will hide it, or if I’m going to have to resort to a girdle lined with titanium. The girdle is on order!

However, it doesn’t stop there…. Baby #6 showed up 5 months ago, and amazingly, I didn’t gain any weight, HOWEVER, she managed to stretch out my stomach even more, the girdle isn’t gonna be enough. I figure, since she caused this, she can follow me around and just hold it up off the top of my jeans. And to add insult to injury, she expanded my nose. Yep... My nose got bigger. How? No idea… not a clue, but it is definitely bigger than it was in my youth… I’m going to blame all six of them for years of smelling bottoms to see if they are dirty.

So at this point I’m wearing a girdle, a tankini, boy shorts, swim shoes and a veil to cover my nose. I can’t have anymore kids or I’ll be in a turtle neck!

Now, I joined Fitness Friday with a group of online ladies! Here is my advice for the week. We can exercise, we can walk and jump rope, but without one another and without motivation, all of that goes down the drain.

Balanced Living is a wonderful site! It gives tips on everything to help us live a fit lifestyle, but also a healthy outlook on life! I was so happy to find it through The Parent Bloggers Network. Even if we can’t all be in a bikini, at least we have the energy to enjoy the summer like we did in our youth!

So, this summer, instead of hiding behind my old t-shirts, or avoiding the pool when the teenagers are there, I’ll go out with pride. I earned every single jiggle, and stretch mark, I earned the slightly larger nose, and massive feet. I know by next summer, I’ll be a little prouder of myself, and a little more willing to show some skin. Hopefully, my weird tan from this summer will have faded by then!

“This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA.”


Kim @ What's That Smell? said...

Tell me about the FEET! Jeez, can mine get any bigger!

Great post!

Nancy Pancy said...

I love your post! You're really funny! Good luck getting into the swimsuit of your choice!

Natalie said...

Great post! I'm not daring enough to go out in anything even remotely resembling a swimsuit. I think the last time I donned a swimsuit was my honeymoon nearly 4 years ago. I need to be prideful of the marks of my two daughters...but I'm just not. And unlike you I went from small boobs to big and I want my B's back...NOW! LOL!

mom_of2boys said...

Love your post! I did it - I went out in a tankini without a towel or big t-shirt at the beach a couple weeks ago. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Next summer it will be a bikini and I will wear it proud!!

Nydia said...

Great, great post indeed! I know how it is... I have always been skinny, and I'm still thin, but after Lucas' birth, I have this belly that doens't belog to me but it's going to be here for a while and my breasts are... different... to say the least, after one year and eight months of proud breastfeeding (I had so much milk that I used to donae to the city's milk bank). Last year I avoided the beach all the time, only taking Lucas to play in the sand very early in the morning but not sunbathing myself. And to what? To be pale and sad as a vampire. So this year I put my chin up and decided going to have my beautiful tan back. And I don't give a damn. Actually, everybody is more worried if we are paying attention to them instead of the opposite. So congratulations to you!!!

Joanna said...

So funny!!

Erika said...

OMG. I LOVE this. Thanks so much for sharing it with me!

Erika Lenkert
The Real Deal Guide to Pregnancy