Anatomy of a swimsuit

My first real swimsuit, (That I bought myself) was a pink and black polka dot strapless bikini that I wore when I was 16. It was gorgeous, and my mother hated it!

When I had my first daughter at 18, I was alright wearing it afterwards, I lost all of my baby weight, plus some, however, somehow my feet spread. And for a girl that wears size 9 shoes already, this was tragic, but I covered it up with swim shoes.

A few years later came along baby girl #2, Up until then, I had amazing breasts, however this daughter took them, and then some (She is now a 42DD)… my swim suit suddenly had to be “supportive”, unlike my men, this one actually worked.

My son came along 13 months later, and he expanded my rump. I am convinced it was his way of preparing me for the pain in it he would one day become! Hence, the boy short swim bottoms, those were a blessing when they came into fashion.

I was alright in a swim suit for a while, until I decided my trio was not enough, and six years later came along my spoiled princess… and somehow, she added weight to my arms. Ok… up until now I could hide the extra weight, I can suck in my belly, tighten my butt, but COME ON… I can’t suck in my arm fat. I’m resorting to arm guards…. Yes, I’ll have a funky tan but, at least I won’t jiggle.

Then, my sanity left once again, and I though another child would be GREAT for my body. My little princess came along, and 1.5 years later, I am looking at my belly wondering if a tankini will hide it, or if I’m going to have to resort to a girdle lined with titanium. The girdle is on order!

However, it doesn’t stop there…. Baby #6 showed up 5 months ago, and amazingly, I didn’t gain any weight, HOWEVER, she managed to stretch out my stomach even more, the girdle isn’t gonna be enough. I figure, since she caused this, she can follow me around and just hold it up off the top of my jeans. And to add insult to injury, she expanded my nose. Yep... My nose got bigger. How? No idea… not a clue, but it is definitely bigger than it was in my youth… I’m going to blame all six of them for years of smelling bottoms to see if they are dirty.

So at this point I’m wearing a girdle, a tankini, boy shorts, swim shoes and a veil to cover my nose. I can’t have anymore kids or I’ll be in a turtle neck!

Now, I joined Fitness Friday with a group of online ladies! Here is my advice for the week. We can exercise, we can walk and jump rope, but without one another and without motivation, all of that goes down the drain.

Balanced Living is a wonderful site! It gives tips on everything to help us live a fit lifestyle, but also a healthy outlook on life! I was so happy to find it through The Parent Bloggers Network. Even if we can’t all be in a bikini, at least we have the energy to enjoy the summer like we did in our youth!

So, this summer, instead of hiding behind my old t-shirts, or avoiding the pool when the teenagers are there, I’ll go out with pride. I earned every single jiggle, and stretch mark, I earned the slightly larger nose, and massive feet. I know by next summer, I’ll be a little prouder of myself, and a little more willing to show some skin. Hopefully, my weird tan from this summer will have faded by then!


“This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA.”