Thanksgiving after a loss in the family

I think it has been 10+ years since I have been in Texas for Thanksgiving. My parents have always had my brother there to cook for them and spend the holiday , however as many of you know, My brother took his own life in the early morning hours this past spring. He was only 38 years old.

I don't know how to explain what his act of desperation has done to my small (now smaller) family since then.

My daughters wish they had met their uncle, though, they don't know his name.
My older children remember him, however had very little relationship to the man I spoke of, however never really spoke to.

My concern now, is for those left behind.

My mother mourns her son, that bond between a mother and her son is something that can't be explained.
My father that lost his son and the only person to carry on his family name.
My nieces that will forever be changed by the loss of the their father, because as strong as the bond is between mother and son, so is the bond between father and daughter.

So this Thanksgiving, I will go home.

• To the home my brother, sister and I grew up in.
• I will regal my parents with stories of the 'new' life that sits before them in  10+ grandchildren. 
• Sit with my sister and have some wine while bouncing my nephew on my knee. 
• I will show my kids a home that is very similar to the one they are raised in here in Colorado.
• Enjoy a meal with my family, my brother's widow and her family.

Hoping that my parents don't notice the ghost in the room that will be join us at some point.

Tips for making it through:

• Remember to take care of yourself. 
• Other loved ones will be angry, it's part of the grieving process. Keep your heart open.
• Tradition! Make sure you stick with it, don't make too many changes.
• Plan for down time, everyone needs time to relax and get away from the chaos of family.
• It's okay to cry, before/during/after. Don't bottle it up.

We have to move on. There isn't a choice for us, we have families to raise, friends to make, parents to adore and take care of.  Hope this Thanksgiving finds you all with more love than you had last year.

Thanksgiving 2013

Family Traditions - Camping with friends

(I wrote this in July and never posted it, I love it a ton, so, I am posting it now as a reminder to myself and my kids of what we did in the summers when they were younger.)

Last year a group of friends and I started a tradition. See, we all run in the same "circle", we are social media moms. We see one another at events, have started to invite kids over for play date's and even have "husband" nights when we can bring them with us. One of the smart ones of the group said, "Hey, we live in the beautiful state of Colorado, Why don't we do what the locals do, lets do a huge camping trip with all of us?"

Then a tradition was born.

YMCA Snow Mountain Ranch camping trips were born, Google spreadsheets were made for meals (because we don't do anything low tech), maps were printed, phone lists were sent out and away we went.

We learned A LOT that year:

* It rains everyday afternoon.
* Bring cold weather gear, it gets down to below freezing at night.
*Tents can leak.
* The local animals WILL eat through your tent (Oh, and they don't like tortillas)
*Sitting in the library, drinking hot tea and playing a board game while a rain storm passes will be one of your kids favorite memories.

The kids learned more than we did:

*Picnic tables make great stages for entertaining the adults with song and dance. (There is rumor they have been practicing a song from "Pitch Perfect")
*Even when it rains, you still have to eat your lukewarm hot dog.
*In this group, you will NOT meet a stranger.
*Their Mom's friends don't just live in the computer.

Year two will commence in three days, I've begun with my lists. Printing off maps and making reservations for ziplining and archery for the kids, Making sure I pack warm pants and jackets for five kids.

Being part of a blended family, we had to learn how to change schedules and let the "other" parents know what is going on. We had to make a few demands that kids won't miss this trip, it's not just a family trip for us to build memories, it's a trip for them to start building traditions with their own friends.

As well as one of the trips where we see the older kids move on to college, etc. My son leaves for college in Iowa in less than a month, next year another one of the teens in the group will be going off to college, one day, it'll just be those of us left in the circle.

Perhaps by then, we won't be camping, we'll be on a cruise. Just us girls.