Monday, April 27, 2015
The battle scars of being a poor single Mom
I showed up with a backpack of extra clothes, a snack, shampoo and conditioner as well as special leave in conditioner and a lock that spelled out a word instead of having a key that could get lost.
Two sets of towels and 30$.
All of this was for three kids to do Kids night out. For 3.5 hours.
I have been told that I over pack.
When my kids go to daycare (only about 5 days a year) I send lunch boxes with their names on circular stickers stuck to the back, bulging with hummus, veggies, fruit, yogurt and lots of other things in case they need variety, need to share with friends or for some unknown reason manage to eat EVERYTHING and might need more. They are only in daycare on those days for 6 hours... six...
My husband looked that lunches one day and said, "Don't you think you are going overboard?"
That statement brought me to tears.
Because I was a struggling single Mom not too long ago. When my older children were little we didn't have a lot of money. I managed PB&J sandwiches, crackers, an apple, and a granola bar. No snacks to eat in class, no fruit when they got home.
We lived paycheck to paycheck.
If I was sick one week, laundry didn't get done and they didn't have clean clothes until I could get around to doing it.
There wasn't extra socks, extra shorts or even special conditioner.
They had the bare minimum and sometimes less than that.
It leaves scars... it makes you over compensate when you don't have to, when they grow up. Or, if you are like me and have a whole other group of kids after the older ones grow up, you throw it all at them hoping to be forgiven.
Hoping to forgive yourself.
Don't discount yourself when this sneaks up and hits you. Don't dismiss the emotion, sometimes you see a parent "trying too hard", they aren't doing it to show you up and prove they are better, they are fighting their own inner demons.
Everyone has those.