Friday, May 1, 2009

Open Letter Friday - 5/1

Polymer Clay Snails has a MeMe called Open Letter Friday.


Write a letter, to anyone. Sister, parent, crazy driver, or child who thinks you have not done what they are trying to get past you.


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Dear Self,


What would you do if you were dying?


The words…. “You have cancer”…. “There is nothing more that we can do” …. “You have less than a year.” are said everyday… What if they were said to you?


How about things in your life left unfinished or unsaid?


Would you want to “wait” on anything?


Would you miss a chance to make sandwiches and watch a movie with the kids instead of making a huge meal?


Would you stop yourself from eating that cheese because… “It’ll go to my hips”?


Would you tell Kara to “hold on” while you made your bed or cleaned your room?

Or would you sit down and watch that viral video she wants you to see, and laugh with her?


Would you rush Ashlyn along with her story because you have a post to write?


Would you spend your time speaking poorly of people, or instead, find something wonderful to say to those around you?


Live like you were dying….


What demands would you make to those you love? Would you request their time by your side or want to be left alone?


Would you finally sky dive?

Get over your fear of sharks (because what else do you have to lose?)

Get married again?


Would you finally backpack through Europe or spend the night in a wine villa in Italy?


Why aren’t you? Why don’t you realize that we are on borrowed time from the moment we accept the first breath into our tiny lungs?


Take the step… the leap….


Live like you were dying…


Dare to love….


Love,

Me

2 comments:

Katie Lyons said...

Beautiful post! I actually think about that a lot too. Like, if I was dying would I be spending so much time on my blog. Though I suppose if I was dying I wouldn't really be on the computer, I would be out living life, being daring, and spending a lot of time with family. Funny that it takes dying to make most people start living.

russ said...

I prefer not to respond to this. But I will.

I have very few fears in life. Death is the number one fear. It’s strange because I have done regression therapy and “seen” bits and pieces of several past lives … but still – something in the back of my brain tells me that when death comes – that is it – all biological and thinking functions cease – life ends – cognition ends – everything ends. I cannot even fathom how it feels or what it’s like, the darkness, the nothingness; the end of all being.

I used to cry about this as a child. I remember vividly. I remember being terrified and wailing and crying. I was younger than 5. Haunted by those memories am I.

If I were dying, my immediate thought would be to distance myself from friends and family. I would want them to remember me for what I was, who I was, before I was stricken with some sort of terminal disease or whatnot, before I faded or wasted away.
I think I am already doing that now, distancing myself from friends and family. The current crop of “friends” in my life, some people I have had in my life 20+ years, I am disheartened with, not satisfied with and they have not really been true friends or lived up to what I expect from friendships…ever.

It is very rare for me to find someone whom I trust enough to really open up to. That has amounted to a total of maybe 3 people in my 33 years of life. 1 of them, more than all the others, is someone I opened up with totally and completely, all vulnerable like, spilled my deepest and darkest secrets and within a month they were out of my life – broke contact without one word of explanation, without one word of anything. What kind of messed up thing is that? This happened within the last month.

It made me downhearted that I could reveal such sacred things only to be tossed aside like a piece of fricking trash. This is, well, not a coworker, but someone who works within the entity as a whole where I work.

And I cannot even talk about what it is I revealed because there is nobody out there I am willing to say these things to because I fear the exact same sort of abandonment will happen again. So I feel I am doomed to keep everything to myself forever and ever and ever.

I am dead inside. I might as well be dead in real life. I am on the path of death, it’s in my blood, my genes. My father died at 37 years old. So it looks like I have a few years left before I follow in the man’s footsteps. Have I made a difference in the world? Have I accomplished anything? Have I touched a life, just one life? I hope I have.