Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Outside forces

My blog is public, it's a part of my life that I share with the world.

  • I have six kids
  • I am still a single mom (though I have a boyfriend now)
  • I think I'm a pretty amazing mother
  • I believe that I am one of a kind as a girlfriend.
So how is it that someone's past can come along and threaten all of that?

Someone recently reared their ugly head into MY life... when they should have stayed out of it. They questioned my ability as a mother, they questioned who I was as a person, because they are hurt. (Mind you.. I've never met this woman before.)

How do you deal with that?
I know many of you are married to, or dating men that have ex-wives... how do you deal with that? This is a foreign experience for me. OR.. hey.. .you might be like this ex-wife, how do I handle YOU?

Here are my questions... I'd love some response to this situation

  • How do you deal with the one who is still in love and hurt over the split up, when it was mutual?
  • It is not fair to end the relationship because of the person meddling, however, when you know that it will have an effect on the child of the person you are with, and on that person as well.. do you take a step back? Or do you fight it?
  • You are raised with class and know that you can't always fight dirty, though there are times when the... "Texas girl" comes out and needs to take things into her own hands.. how do you handle situations like that? Do you come out swinging or do you take the high road before you let it get outta hand?
  • I do not find that I have a place to say anything against the woman. He was married to her for 12 years, it's not right for me to speak poorly of her. Do you all agree with this? Do I have the right to say things about her?
I just don't know the right things to do on this one. I vented, I raged.. hell.. I cried in my best friends arms out of frustration. Now... I just want her to go away... and I'm thinkin' that it's not gonna happen.

So I need help ladies and gents... ! Advice... chastising... ANYTHING...


margelina said...

Wow, Lilith. This is a hard one. First of all, I'm sorry you are going through this.
My first instinct would be to fight. Certainly, this woman is his ex-wife for a reason, and she is no reason to end a relationship. As long as he is in it with YOU, that's what matters on that front.
As far as things she is saying about you, well, consider the source. She is the jealous ex-wife who doesn't want him, but doesn't want anyone else to have him, either. And, she doesn't know you. People who know you know the truth.
I don't know if there ever is a time you could talk bad about her...if you are in it for the long haul, she's gonna be around, since they have a child together. Anything you say will inevitibly come back to bite you and just be a bad example for all the kids.
It shouldn't be you against her...it should be you and Dave together on the same team. He was married to her...maybe he'll know the best way to handle her. Talk to him and keep the communication open so that together you find a way. My thinking is that it's his ex-wife, therefore more his problem that yours. Good luck with this situation.

margelina said...

Aaahh, ((hugs)) Lilith! Just take a deep breath! I know this is going to work out for you...you have LOVE on your side!

Brittany said...

Wow! Sorry I've not commented in awhile... I've been reading, I just haven't been commenting lately! ah!

Anyway- I've never had to deal with this, within my OWN, personal, relationship. HOWEVER- I did grow up in a home with divorced parents, who both remarried. My mom was HELL for my dad... yes, it's true. And she wasn't so easy on my step-mom either. BUT I watched my step-mom do the right thing- she stuck by my dad! So, that's what you need to do... STICK by your man. She has no right to interfere with your relationship. Their relationship is OVER. Maybe he needs to talk to her?

I dunno. Hope that helps. STICK by your man! :)

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Lilith Silvermane said...
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Lilith Silvermane said...
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me said...

Whoa what the heck, all I know is that she yelled at Dave about vacation time, how did you get involved, did she talk smack about you? I'm sorry, she shouldn't have since she doesn't even know you, I didn't know, please accept my apolige (sorry I can never spell that word right), and you have my word that I will stay out of your relationship with Dave, and try to keep my sis until control but as you have probably figured out it doesn't work and she plays dirty and again I'm sorry for my actions recently, I should not take them out on you but the person that i'm really upset with.
I hope you had fun cutting the tree down:)

Lilith Silvermane said...

We did have a great time on Sunday. I'll be posting up the whole thing on Thursday when I get the camera from D... I forgot it when I left Sunday night.

Thank you for the apology, I hate it when things get out of hand.

Joanna said...

I hate to read about drama...Especially when it's someone I know and read about all the time. I hope that it all gets worked out in the end. (usually does) I just hope the end is soon! ((hugs))

Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting said...

Its a tough one. What does Dave feel about all of this? It is mostly his battle. I mean, did she confront you about it or is she trying to get him back or something? Are they officially divorced or separated?

Lilith Silvermane said...

D- has been amazing. He is dealing with all of it and keeps surprising me everyday.

They are officially divorced, it is totally over. Just crazy.