We talked for a while and I could tell that something was not quite right. She seemed very preoccupied with something and it was beginning to impact me. My brain comes to life again and gets involved and scenarios begin to be run.
Finally, she begins to talk and informed me that she has concerns with this lack of emotions within me, that has been ever present amongst all of my other relationships.
Drats why did I tell her that.
Oh, that is right because she asked. Like a person being interrogated, I cracked and answered her questions, all of them. The feeling I had was an enormous hole, growing within me. With each passing moment, the fear was growing that she had made up her mind that it was over. There was nothing I could do but listen and hope that she came back. I could tell she was trying to work this out in her head but I could not help, she had to get there on her own.
She told me that she was keeping her emotions in check and then reiterated how different we were and that it could not possibly work out. Personally, I think she is lying to herself about the emotional attachment but I back her up nonetheless. Over the course of the conversation, it went back and forth like a prize fight. I never really knew which way it would go, which I found very disturbing being this helpless.
How could I have let myself get into this position, I know better. HELP I AM BEING CONTROLLED BY A HIPPIE. Needless to say that night was restless. We talked the next day and she informed me that she was going to see where this path led. I was ecstatic, I could hear the reservation in her voice but at least there was a chance. I am sure that soon there will be another re-evaluation period but as for now things are perfect.
My little distraction has already influenced my life and I think it is for the better. Things that I thought that were so important before have began to slip by the wayside.
I think of her often and miss her greatly when we are on opposing schedules but it does make the time we do share so much better. Quality over Quantity seems appropriate to say here.
For as long as this lasts I am hers, I am off the market for as long as she will have me so I can see where this path goes and in the end it will be one hell of a trip.