Mechanics... at work

I work in the maintenance department of a school district bus system.

I love my job, I am the secretary for all the madness, and make all of the work orders and help keep the chaos at a minimal!

After getting this in my e-mail this morning, I HAD to post it because it sums up my life...


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After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics

correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then

pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be

said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the

solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an

accident.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute

descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget