My Brother

The easy way out….

 I've heard that phrase a lot lately. It’s stuck in my head and swirled around like a bad dream.

He was the father to three beautiful little girls, I see him in each one. Their spirit, their ability to hide their emotions and their sweet smile, those beautiful eyes staring up at me remind me of growing up with him.

He’s going to miss their first dance, their first date. He won’t get to see them smile when he tells them he loves them or when he gives them a hug after a long absence. Their rooms in his house will be empty as they clean them out to take their belongings to their mother’s house. He won’t drop them off at college or walk them down the isle.

Easy way out….

No more Christmas mornings being shaken away by excited little girls, no more birthdays for my parents to celebrate their son and no more fights with his two sisters. His BBQ out back will remain cold and that laugh of his is forever silenced.

His way out…

I hope no one ever tells those girls that he took the easy way out, because to those little girls, he was their super hero. He picked them up every other weekend and spent time with them. He loved them the best he could and bought them whatever their hearts desired. He gave them a warm, safe bed to sleep in and hugs when they needed them. He didn't leave them, he left himself, and I hope one day they see the difference.

My way…

I now have plans to write my nieces every month, a letter, some stickers, photos of us here in Colorado, something to let them know that we will not ALL abandon them. I have contact with their mom’s, my ex-sister in laws for the first time in my life I’m going to be the aunt I should have been many moons ago.

Am I angry? Hell yes. Do I blame people? Oh yes. Will I say anything? No way, everyone has lost someone in their life. He was my brother, my nieces’ father, my parents’ son, my kids’ uncle and a friend to some. The way he chose to go isn't what I would have chosen for him, however it wasn't my choice, it was his, he had to do is His way… as always.

(In Memory of my brother, Brian Bastien, who took his own life Feb. 23, 2013)