Letter to my 17 year old self,
You have so much going for you… but I will tell you from your 36 year old future self, do not change a thing.
Break ups are hard, however easier than staying somewhere you don’t belong. It’ll take you years to finally let go of the one you are dealing with…. But in the end, you will find the reason for that. Every time your heart twinges or you try to call him… remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there will be a man that helps turn your heart into the blossom it is supposed to be.
Do not change your decision between a child and your modeling career… the child will be more fulfilling and worth every moment of doubt you had. Yes… it is the bluest blue you will ever see and the one you found out with will still be your friend in 18 years. BTW… that child is a beautiful little girl with dark eyes, dark hair and the wit you always wanted.
You will go through things you never thought would “happen to you”… they will be the one thing that helps you pull strength from. You will find a “Female Rage” that you never thought you had and as a single mom… you will persevere and become a great leader.
A few tips:
*DO NOT dodge black cats. They are what they are, and you will end up in trouble because of them enough.
*Let go of some of the lessons you were taught growing up, the guilt of how you were taught is not the reality of what is out there.
*Spend more time with “Mom” she is not around long enough
*DO NOT go to that party on July 7, 2001. There is nothing you can do for your friend… he was not destined to be here for very long.
*It’s not your fault. ~This you will understand more than anything~
*Make sure you have enough diapers, formula, etc on Christmas Eve; nothing is open Christmas day… rookie mistake.
*No matter what, do not cancel the date September 26, 2008. NOTHING should get in the way.
It looks hard… it wasn’t. It sounds fun… it was. You live a Blessed life and no matter what you might think, you are still alive to write this letter.
Your first love,